Monday, October 24, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
NaNoWriMo: A mystical journey into the unknown
All I know is, it's my second year of NaNoWriMo and I'm still afraid i won't finish. How did i do it last year? it was so hard. I think I'm scared I'll get cocky or something. But really, it'll be okay. Mostly I'm just EXCITED.
Last year, it practically cured me of my horrible writer's block.
This year, it will be epic!
I will finish a novel!
And publish it!
And be famous!
And rich!
It'll be awesome. all y'all just watch and SEE.
I try to write on a semiregular basis. Kind of. A lot of it doesnt ever get past the pages of my notebook, but it's still good practice and whatnot. I think that's how most writers do it: a little bit at a time. But the idea of NaNo is to get a whole bunch of it out at once and by golly, does it work. Last year at least, it had this wierd effect on me. (Again, i'm no expert; i've only done it once.)
It felt as though i was walking in a dream. My head would be full of ideas of characters and i spent every second i could scribbling out words. And yet, people would expect me to do other things, like go to school or sleep. Crazy people; couldn't they see i was busy?! goodness. I hope they don't do that again.
Last year, it practically cured me of my horrible writer's block.
This year, it will be epic!
I will finish a novel!
And publish it!
And be famous!
And rich!
It'll be awesome. all y'all just watch and SEE.
I try to write on a semiregular basis. Kind of. A lot of it doesnt ever get past the pages of my notebook, but it's still good practice and whatnot. I think that's how most writers do it: a little bit at a time. But the idea of NaNo is to get a whole bunch of it out at once and by golly, does it work. Last year at least, it had this wierd effect on me. (Again, i'm no expert; i've only done it once.)
It felt as though i was walking in a dream. My head would be full of ideas of characters and i spent every second i could scribbling out words. And yet, people would expect me to do other things, like go to school or sleep. Crazy people; couldn't they see i was busy?! goodness. I hope they don't do that again.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
"I don't know how to tell you this, but...Dad, I'm not gay."
The title of this blog post ^^^ is a gross overstatement. My dad doesn't think I'm gay, not really. However, I did just get off the phone with him, harboring the feeling that I'd just had an anti-coming out speech with him.
It went a little like this:
Me: Yep, still applying to Evergreen State.
My Dad: I've been hearing about them a lot lately. Apparently it's like, gay and lesbian central!
Me: oh, that's awesome.
My Dad: Yeah, it is...
~awkward pause~
Me: You do know I'm not gay, right?
My Dad: Yeah, I know. But you know it wouldn't matter, right?
Now, I'm really supportive of gay rights. I have basically the opposite of a problem with homosexuality. Unfortunately, I do sometimes get the impression that some people might think I'm a lesbian. (That's probably just me, though. Because even the most open-minded of people don't want people thinking they're something they're not.) I want people to know that yes, I strongly support gay rights but no, I'm not gay myself. I've just never felt the need to clarify it, because
A. It doesn't matter anyways, right? Let them think what they want. And
B. They probably don't think I'm gay anyways. I'm just being silly/self-centered/overly paranoid.
I just felt like I should tell him, because he's my dad, you know? Even if I'm totally comfortable with myself suddenly becoming a lesbian, (which i have this weird feeling will happen someday, despite never having been interested in a girl. But it is true, girls are kinda overall just plain prettier than boys.), and I went to his house and was like "hey dad, this is my girlfriend and now I'm a lesbian/bisexual" and he was like "oh, yeah, I knew that already'" I would still be pissed. Because, what does that mean? the fact that I'm not against lesbian relationships means I am one myself? No, that's not fair. But then again, neither is assuming that people think I'm a lesbian because I support it. So there you go. Please don't think I'm a dick for that last paragraph, world. Look at how accepting I am!
Anyways.
I've been blessed with open-minded, freakishly supportive parents, both birth and step-. (See above conversation. I went on to say that " i just thought i should tell you . And oh, yeah, also, I'm not, like, against the idea or anything. in fact, i'd be fine if i suddenly woke up and liked girls. I dont want you thinking I'm against it. I just also didn't want you thinking I'm a lesbian.)
And they're not just supportive on the LGBT front, but in every way. My mom's a top-notch scientist, but she doesn't expect me to get straight A's, or follow in her footsteps or whatever it is that stifling, pressuring parents do. Neither does my dad, even though they're both crazy smart.
Of course, having open-minded parents means that I'm very open-minded too, which means that honestly, I'm pretty much open to anything.
The people who are most comfortable with their sexual identity are the people that are straight as a post and don't really have anything to worry/think/contemplate about. Plus those beautifully gay people that have reached enlightenment, or whatever.
But, for a "mentally bi-sexual" person, (I totally call that term, btw), I'm pretty damn well-adjusted. In the long term, I'm straight, so really i don't need to antagonize about my sexual orientation, but still. The fact that they're even considering a person of the same sex would totally freak a 'straight' person out, if the movies are anything to go by. But I never even really gave it a second thought.
Like, okay self, if we were suddenly attracted to girls, would we have a problem with that? No, no we wouldn't. Okay, good. I wonder what's for dinner.
But then, the problem becomes my parents.
It's great that they're so supportive and don't care about my sexual orientation. In fact, it's wonderful. But I'm so well adjusted and comfortable with my own sexual identity, that I don't need it anymore. In fact, I probably never needed it at all. I would have just grown up totally straight and never have come up with the term 'mentally bi sexual." I wouldn't be so open minded, which would suck, but i wouldn't be having some crazy identity crisis.
But there are people who do have crazy identity crises. Horrible, family-ripping, suicidal crises. And I just feel like my parents valiant and successful efforts have been wasted on me. There are closeted, confused, depressed gay kids out there that would kill for parents like mine. Yeah, i wouldnt be the person I am now without them, but there are people who need them so much more.
It's really unfair. I feel spoiled, almost. Two (four if you count my step-parents) of the most supportive, understanding, open-minded parents come along and they're wasted on a well-adjusted straight kid.
It went a little like this:
Me: Yep, still applying to Evergreen State.
My Dad: I've been hearing about them a lot lately. Apparently it's like, gay and lesbian central!
Me: oh, that's awesome.
My Dad: Yeah, it is...
~awkward pause~
Me: You do know I'm not gay, right?
My Dad: Yeah, I know. But you know it wouldn't matter, right?
Now, I'm really supportive of gay rights. I have basically the opposite of a problem with homosexuality. Unfortunately, I do sometimes get the impression that some people might think I'm a lesbian. (That's probably just me, though. Because even the most open-minded of people don't want people thinking they're something they're not.) I want people to know that yes, I strongly support gay rights but no, I'm not gay myself. I've just never felt the need to clarify it, because
A. It doesn't matter anyways, right? Let them think what they want. And
B. They probably don't think I'm gay anyways. I'm just being silly/self-centered/overly paranoid.
I just felt like I should tell him, because he's my dad, you know? Even if I'm totally comfortable with myself suddenly becoming a lesbian, (which i have this weird feeling will happen someday, despite never having been interested in a girl. But it is true, girls are kinda overall just plain prettier than boys.), and I went to his house and was like "hey dad, this is my girlfriend and now I'm a lesbian/bisexual" and he was like "oh, yeah, I knew that already'" I would still be pissed. Because, what does that mean? the fact that I'm not against lesbian relationships means I am one myself? No, that's not fair. But then again, neither is assuming that people think I'm a lesbian because I support it. So there you go. Please don't think I'm a dick for that last paragraph, world. Look at how accepting I am!
Anyways.
I've been blessed with open-minded, freakishly supportive parents, both birth and step-. (See above conversation. I went on to say that " i just thought i should tell you . And oh, yeah, also, I'm not, like, against the idea or anything. in fact, i'd be fine if i suddenly woke up and liked girls. I dont want you thinking I'm against it. I just also didn't want you thinking I'm a lesbian.)
And they're not just supportive on the LGBT front, but in every way. My mom's a top-notch scientist, but she doesn't expect me to get straight A's, or follow in her footsteps or whatever it is that stifling, pressuring parents do. Neither does my dad, even though they're both crazy smart.
Of course, having open-minded parents means that I'm very open-minded too, which means that honestly, I'm pretty much open to anything.
The people who are most comfortable with their sexual identity are the people that are straight as a post and don't really have anything to worry/think/contemplate about. Plus those beautifully gay people that have reached enlightenment, or whatever.
But, for a "mentally bi-sexual" person, (I totally call that term, btw), I'm pretty damn well-adjusted. In the long term, I'm straight, so really i don't need to antagonize about my sexual orientation, but still. The fact that they're even considering a person of the same sex would totally freak a 'straight' person out, if the movies are anything to go by. But I never even really gave it a second thought.
Like, okay self, if we were suddenly attracted to girls, would we have a problem with that? No, no we wouldn't. Okay, good. I wonder what's for dinner.
But then, the problem becomes my parents.
It's great that they're so supportive and don't care about my sexual orientation. In fact, it's wonderful. But I'm so well adjusted and comfortable with my own sexual identity, that I don't need it anymore. In fact, I probably never needed it at all. I would have just grown up totally straight and never have come up with the term 'mentally bi sexual." I wouldn't be so open minded, which would suck, but i wouldn't be having some crazy identity crisis.
But there are people who do have crazy identity crises. Horrible, family-ripping, suicidal crises. And I just feel like my parents valiant and successful efforts have been wasted on me. There are closeted, confused, depressed gay kids out there that would kill for parents like mine. Yeah, i wouldnt be the person I am now without them, but there are people who need them so much more.
It's really unfair. I feel spoiled, almost. Two (four if you count my step-parents) of the most supportive, understanding, open-minded parents come along and they're wasted on a well-adjusted straight kid.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Bucket List
I've seen these floating around my third period blogs, and I got sorta inspired. I'm all about lists, so here's one.
SHIT TO DO BEFORE I KICK IT:
-Finish a novel
-Live abroad
-Live in Seattle
-Visit Egypt
-Learn an instrument
-Fly a plane
-Publish a novel
SHIT TO DO BEFORE I KICK IT:
-Finish a novel
-Live abroad
-Live in Seattle
-Visit Egypt
-Learn an instrument
-Fly a plane
-Publish a novel
Repost: Adulthood
It's freakin' scary, that's what it is.
This stage of my life is overwhelming: life decisions that decide my life, holycrap. I feel like I’m about to get kicked off a cliff without wings or a jet pack. I wish I had more time then I have now to think this through. There's so much work involved: college applications, shoe laces.
This stage of my life is overwhelming: life decisions that decide my life, holycrap. I feel like I’m about to get kicked off a cliff without wings or a jet pack. I wish I had more time then I have now to think this through. There's so much work involved: college applications, shoe laces.
I got this bit from Joseph Nguyen's blog. Pretty much sums it up for me. I'm being hurtled into something that I have no idea how to react to, and I'm being asked to become something that i don't know how to be.
Senior year is already full of things to prepare for: Prom, Graduation, College applications, etc. But I'm a 'big picture' kind of person. I always have been, and i've also always been fascinated with the idea of living on my own. I would plan out all kinds of houses for myself to live in, from big country houses to tiny apartments to treehouses. I would think about what kind of food i would have, where my library would be (because a library is a necessity, of course.) and where every last thing that i owned would go.
But as I've gotten older, those dreams suddenly turned to anxiety. I started actually paying attention to what my parents did. I still want to live on my own, but now i know about all the things I'm gonna have to do.
Banking. Taxes. Home ownership. Car ownership. Insurance. Relationships. Work. Health. Phone Bills. Electricity Bills. Heating Bills. BillsBillsBills. And money. Oh god, the money. What am i supposed to do when my parents aren't there to pay for everything? It's piling up, the little list in my head, and pretty soon it'll collapse.
Okay. So, my parents have explained to me that it doesn't just all happen at once, Dear, don't worry. But it sure feels like it does. And to be honest, I'm freaking out a little.
Senior year is already full of things to prepare for: Prom, Graduation, College applications, etc. But I'm a 'big picture' kind of person. I always have been, and i've also always been fascinated with the idea of living on my own. I would plan out all kinds of houses for myself to live in, from big country houses to tiny apartments to treehouses. I would think about what kind of food i would have, where my library would be (because a library is a necessity, of course.) and where every last thing that i owned would go.
But as I've gotten older, those dreams suddenly turned to anxiety. I started actually paying attention to what my parents did. I still want to live on my own, but now i know about all the things I'm gonna have to do.
Banking. Taxes. Home ownership. Car ownership. Insurance. Relationships. Work. Health. Phone Bills. Electricity Bills. Heating Bills. BillsBillsBills. And money. Oh god, the money. What am i supposed to do when my parents aren't there to pay for everything? It's piling up, the little list in my head, and pretty soon it'll collapse.
Okay. So, my parents have explained to me that it doesn't just all happen at once, Dear, don't worry. But it sure feels like it does. And to be honest, I'm freaking out a little.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
A Writer's Frustration
Joseph Heller said,
"Every writer I know has trouble writing."
And I'm not different
There are days
when the the words simply refuse to come
and that's when the trouble starts
Some days it's angry
stuttering red hot passionate frustration
all the right emotions in all the wrong places
Other days it's melancholy
the blue of the sky without wings to take me there
I gaze into the black page until my heart aches
But when the words finally come
bursting forth like water from a dam
the world is reborn in color
"Every writer I know has trouble writing."
And I'm not different
There are days
when the the words simply refuse to come
and that's when the trouble starts
Some days it's angry
stuttering red hot passionate frustration
all the right emotions in all the wrong places
Other days it's melancholy
the blue of the sky without wings to take me there
I gaze into the black page until my heart aches
But when the words finally come
bursting forth like water from a dam
the world is reborn in color
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